


Cinematic Masterpiece

by GenerallyHuxurious (GallifreyanOmnishambles)



Series: Modern Emperors [6]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Sex, Awkward Conversations, Canon Hux Watches Aliens, Canon Hux Watches Horror Movies, Come Eating, Condoms, Couch Cuddles, Culture Shock, Dimension Travel, Garbage Science, Kissing, M/M, Movie Night, Scary Movies, Snark, When AUs collide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-22
Updated: 2016-10-22
Packaged: 2018-08-24 00:53:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8349775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GallifreyanOmnishambles/pseuds/GenerallyHuxurious
Summary: Hux tries to introduce his Canon-Verse counterpart to the concept of cinema. Starting with horror movies. Auren Hux really doesn't get it. Set in the Modern Emperors Verse. Huxloween Day 22.





	

“Why does this mug have text on it? It doesn’t seem to relate to beverages, so what is the purpose of it?”

Eamon blinked owlishly at Auren as the man inspected his _Forever City_ mug, which was still distressingly empty while they waited for the coffee maker to do its thing.

“Auren. It’s 7am.”

“Does the purpose of the mug change depending on the chronometer?” Auren asked with a slight twist of his lips that might have been a smile.

Eamon made a rude gesture at him.

* * *

The credits scrolled slowly up the screen accompanied by an insipid love song.

“What utter drivel!” Auren groaned. “Your people actually watch this for entertainment?!”

Eamon threw Auren a look of feigned shock, waving the _Forever City_ DVD case, “Excuse you, this is an Academy Award winning cinematic masterpiece.”

Auren wasn’t impressed.

“Okay fine, it’s shit, I know,” Eamon conceded, flinging the case towards the shelves.

He’d never personally considered romantic, coming-of-age, Nicholas Sparks style nonsense to be particularly enjoyable, but the general public certainly seemed to lap it up. Though this specific piece of trash probably wouldn’t have been nearly as successful if he hadn’t killed its three lead actors in a rather impressive fireball. Really the posthumous Oscars should have gone to him.

Eamon stretched out more on the couch, leaning heavily into the plush cushions. “I admit, that wasn’t the best example of entertainment, but you asked for it.”

“I think you did your world a service by killing them.”

Eamon’s laughter was bright and sudden, his body jerking as he struggled to remain on the couch. It was absolutely infectious and Auren’s mouth formed a small smile.

“Auren, you are a true delight, thank you,” Eamon wheezed, sitting up to take another swig of his beer. He hummed happily to himself for a moment before turned his blue eyes back to his companion, “What ‘drivel’ did you have for entertainment, then?”  
  
Auren shrugged, an awkward movement considering his stiff posture. He still hadn’t really gotten to grips with the concept of a relaxing evening on the couch and insisted on sitting upright, back rigid and feet flat to the ground. He’d looked askance at Eamon when he’d pressed his cold feet against his thigh but he hadn’t moved them, so Eamon was counting that as a win.

“I know the Core Systems and the…” he paused, his voice filling with disdain, “the _Rrrepublic_ , had entertainment markets and live performances of various kinds, but we hadn't the resources for such decadent things. There were war documentaries, and a thriving cottage industry for pornography. I recorded holos for some of my motivational speeches.”

Eamon grinned. “Ah, so those were war _and_ porn, very motivational indeed.”

Auren raised an eyebrow.

“Say ‘republic’ again.”

“No.”

“Killjoy,” Eamon muttered with a fake pout. “But seriously, what kind of speeches?”

“Discipline, productivity, communications from High Command, public health…”

Eamon’s eyes lit up, “Public health? Like sex ed? Oh my god, I need to see this. Younger-you educating the masses, describing anatomy, putting condoms on bananas…”

Auren gaped at him, utterly perplexed. “What do yellow fruit have to do with sexual education? What do you people _do_ with them?!”

“Well, they're a bit phallic and it's a less embarrassing way to show teenagers how to put them on.”

“How do you ‘put on’ a banana? Do you mean the outer casing?”

The DVD had cycled back to the menu now, playing the same snippet of nerve grating music over and over. Eamon leaned forward over his own knees to peer suspiciously at Auren’s face, chewing on his cheek in concentration.

“I can't tell if you're joking,” he said after a long moment. “How do we have such a good poker face?”

Auren met his gaze steadily but didn't comment either way. It was Eamon that cracked first, partially spurred on by the terrible repetitive music floating over from the TV.

“I’m gonna get more beer and some other things, why don't you look through the DVDs and choose something less awful to watch.”

* * *

“I’m afraid I don't understand what most of these are supposed to be,” Auren said from his place on the floor in front of the TV. He’d arranged about thirty DVDs in small piles across the carpet following some system that Eamon couldn’t identify as he walked down the stairs.

“It’s written on the back,” Eamon said facetiously, regretting his decision as soon as he caught sight of Auren’s frustrated facial expression. Of course he’d have read them, but how likely was it that he could understand the descriptions without context?

Feeling slightly guilty he crouched down and pointed to each in turn.

“That’s a romantic comedy. Not my taste, probably not yours. These are all comedies that would need a lot of cultural explanation, so maybe another time? Action, that’s just people shooting other people, pretty good. Psychological thrillers, might need some background for those. Science fiction, that’s all stuff we don’t have the technology for. I think you might just laugh at those. And these are horror, they’re just deliberately scary films, seasonally appropriate though.”

“Seasonally appropriate?”

“There’s a holiday at the end of the month that’s pretty much taken over the whole of October. It’s hard to explain but…” Eamon trailed off, not entirely sure how to explain the concept without it taking all night. Auren had a habit of questioning things further than Eamon was able to articulate. Maybe it'd be easier to just show than tell. “How about we just start with a classic or two?”

Auren studied the box, translating the characters to read ‘Halloween’. He couldn’t imagine what would be horrifying about a completely nonsense word.

* * *

“Explain the purpose of this to me again.”

The lights were off so it was hard to distinguish Auren’s facial expression by the light of the television, but he looked to be somewhere between disinterest and bafflement. Shame, he'd wanted Auren to enjoy something they watched this evening.

Still, Eamon had progressed to laying across the couch with a bag of popcorn on his chest and his feet in Auren’s lap, so he could hardly complain.

“It's a horror movie. People like to be scared by things that can't really hurt them.”

Auren seemed to squint at the screen as if weighing something in his mind. One of his hands had started unconsciously stroking Eamon’s foot. His fingers were gradually moving into cuff of Eamon’s pants and the slight touches against his skin were very distracting.

“This is intended to be frightening?” Auren said at last.

Eamon shrugged. “Mysterious murderer silently dispatching helpless victims that have no chance of survival? Yeah, most people find that scary.”

“But, why would anyone feel terror over the fictitious demise of actors?”

“Empathy. You wonder what you’d do in that situation. You wonder if you’d survive.”

“I would survive.”

Eamon lightly kicked at Auren’s side, “Of course you would, now shut up and watch the movie.”

He hissed slightly as Auren pinched him, but at least the other man lapsed back into silence.

Eamon wasn't sure when he'd moved but by the time Auren complained again he’d somehow ended up with his thighs across Auren’s own. One benefit of this was the fact that he could feed Auren popcorn from that vantage point, and Auren seemed determined to lick the salt off his fingers every single time.

“Physics exists in this film, yes? There is no way that man can possibly hang from the wall with one knife in his stomach.”

“Shh, I know.” Eamon reassured him.

“Surely this is a comedy, then?”

Eamon rolled his eyes and held up another handful of popcorn.“To some people, I suppose.”

Auren shook his head in apparent disgust at this ambiguity but accepted the offered food. Perhaps Eamon had picked up too much at once because it took Auren an unexpectedly long time to lick his hand clean.

"He was shot six times, stabbed with various household objects and he still walked away?” He asked with a mildly disgusted tone as the movie drew to a close. “Is he wearing body armor?"

"No, he's just... evil."

"But he's human? I thought your bullets did more damage than that." They hadn't gone out into the woods for Eamon’s promised rifle lessons yet, but Auren had seen enough in their first encounter to have some idea of what they did.

"They do, that's why this is scary."

"I don't understand it."

“I don't know what to tell you.”

“So it just… ends? With no resolution? This is an appalling narrative!”

“That's the point, he could be anywhere. And yes, before you say it, he isn't real, but I guess the idea is _what if he was_? Anyway, the original movie ends here but they made a sequel that continues the story. The third one doesn’t exist, fourth and fifth aren’t bad, sixth is mediocre, seven is a reboot with eye candy, and eight burns the whole thing to the ground.”

“All of that for one story?”

“And there’s actual remakes as well. That’s show business. That’s money.”

“So, watching the sequel will clear things up?” Auren offered.

Eamon frowned slightly. Auren hadn't seemed to be enjoying the film… Suddenly he became aware of the rhythmic pattern of Auren’s fingers as they traced the waistband of his pants. The other man didn't seem to be aware he was doing it. So, not enjoying the movie but enjoying the circumstances? Okay he could work with that.

* * *

“How is his hand not scalded as badly?”

The complaints began sooner this time, but since Eamon had changed position when he'd switched the DVDs it was easy enough to lean back from his place against Auren’s shoulder and press a finger against his lips. “Shut up, Auren.”

It didn't last.

“So, the doctor just laid there while she bled out.”

“Watch the damn movie.”

“I’m just saying that if you were stabbed there,” Auren skipped his fingers over Eamon’s stomach, making him twitch, “or even here… Or here…” Eamon groaned and wriggled, “you could do something about it… wait, that boy slipped in blood and now he's dead? I mean, it's a rookie mistake, you need to be more flat footed in that quantity, but a slip won't kill you-”

“For fuck’s sake,” Eamon hissed, twisting around until he was leaning across Auren’s lap, his tongue doing an excellent job at rendering him mute.

A pair of warm hands instantly settled at his waist, stroking his sides in a way that also dragged his shirt up. It was pleasant but still awkward since Auren insisted on sitting with such a stiff posture.

Determined to make it so much better, Eamon rolled his hips, grinding against Auren’s hip while he nudged his knee between Auren's own.

It didn't take Auren long to get the hint and Eamon soon had him half sprawled across the cushions. His head was pinned against the arm of the couch allowing Eamon total control of the kiss, which had turned sloppy almost immediately since Eamon had one of Auren's thigh trapped between his knees and he couldn't resist the temptation to rut against him. It felt amazing. He could feel Auren hardening under his ministrations but there was little he could do to retaliate. Or so Eamon thought.

One of Auren's hands had popped the button on Eamon’s fly. It wasn't enough to relieve the pressure of his zipper against Eamon's cock but it gave enough space for Auren to wriggle one hand down the back of Eamon’s boxers while the other hand played with the hair at the nape of his neck.

Auren hissed and pulled lightly at Eamon’s hair to break the kiss. “You're wet.”

“Mm-hmm,” Eamon sighed, leaning forward to reclaim his lips again but Auren wasn't having it.

“When did you do that?”

Grinning Eamon pulled a foil packet from the back pocket of his pants. “When I went upstairs to get beer and this. I don't have any bananas though so I thought I'd watch you put it on yourself instead.”

Auren frowned slightly as he looked at the packet, then turned his eyes towards the television.“I thought we were watching this… Oh look, that boy is alive... Or... Wait... He isn't?”

"Damnit, Auren... we're in the middle of something here." Eamon sighed, grinding back against Auren’s fingers to emphasis his point.

“I get the impression this is some kind of societal norm that I’m not yet familiar with,” Auren said. “I suppose I’ll have to bow to your superior expertise on the subject.” He highlighted the point by curling two fingers into Eamon’s entrance. “Undress. Now.”

“Why do I get the feeling you're calling me easy?” Eamon griped as he struggled upright to peel his pants and boxers down his legs.

Auren was craning his neck to watch the television around him as he replied, “I think that's just the sensation of the lubricant running down your thighs.”

“Fuck you.” Eamon said lightly as he flung the condom onto Auren's chest.

“Come on then Sex Ed Boy, show me your skills.” He continued as Auren turned the packet over quizzically.

“Eamon, I’m sorry to disappoint whatever fantasy you've developed but, honestly, I don't know what this is.”

“Pull your pants down,” Eamon said, dropping to his knees beside the couch.

A few rough strokes had Auren fully hard and leaking a little, his attention definitely diverted from the movie now. It was still a little strange to look at what was essentially his own cock from another angle, Eamon thought as he tore the packet open with his teeth. Still, if Auren wasn't going to put on a show then someone should.

He wouldn't usually do this but his tongue was certainly dexterous enough to get the latex roll into his mouth and smoothed down over Auren’s cock in one fluid movement.

“Ah, stars, what…” Auren groaned as Eamon swung himself back up onto couch to straddle his hips.

Reaching back Eamon pumped him slowly, teasing the head against his own entrance. After a second or two Auren’s fingers brushed his own, trying to feel out the nature of the addition since the light from the television was insufficient to see by.

“A plast shield? Why?”

Eamon groaned slightly as he pressed down, gasping when Auren fluttered his fingers around his rim rather than removing his hand. “It's uh… It's used to prevent transmission of infections, that kind of thing. Also keeps the cum off my couch.” Eamon added with a breathless laugh. “It never occurred to me, given our first meeting, but what do you use?”

“The Imperial… Ah, pfassk you feel so tight… You certainly rushed your preparation…”

“Don't tell me you don't appreciate it.”

Auren clamped his hands around Eamon's thighs and pushed him down a little, making them both whine. “I definitely won't tell you that, you feel amazing.”

Leaning forward to kiss him again Eamon wriggled and flexed until Auren bottomed out. The root of his cock pressed tight against his ass, Eamon clenched, enjoying Auren’s moan while he got accustomed to the stretch.

“What were you saying? About an Empire?”

“Is this really the time?”

Eamon shrugged. “I uh… Might need a minute or I’m gonna come.”

He hissed as Auren ghosted his fingertips over his shaft. There was a mischievous snort when he grabbed the offending hand.

“I mean it.”

“Fine. The Imperial military required all crew- enlisted and civilian- to be heavily dosed with… I suppose the word would be antivirals. Since the First Order had no dealing with xenos at all, and the original doses passed transplacentally, there are no sexual transmitted diseases amongst our… their personnel. My mother was only first generation but some elements would have passed from my father so my own coverage is only at the lower end of the spectrum.”

“Passed from your… If you're saying your sperm has curative properties…” Eamon began, shaking his head and then groaning as the movement shifted Auren’s glans against his prostate.

“Not for you. Very few effective medical treatments can be delivered anally.” Auren said flatly, pausing when Eamon began to giggle.

“Oh my god this might be the least sexy conversation I've ever had with a cock in my ass.”

“You asked.” Auren replied, thrusting up without warning as a reprimand. “A partial blood transfusion might work though.”

Eamon bowed his head for a moment, gasping at the intrusion. The grip on his thighs turned to kneading as Auren tried to set a rhythm.

“And you know how to do that?”

“Of course. Basic field medicine.”

“Oh of course it is, silly me.” Eamon replied, grinding down hard in an effort to make Auren lose control as quickly as he had. “I really want to end the conversation, but whilst we're on the topic, what about contraception, not for us obviously, but in the course of my work…”

“Implant.” Auren said immediately, grabbing Eamon’s hand and shifting it to his left bicep. There was a mass under the skin, up by his scar tissue.

While Eamon's fingers kneaded across the skin, Auren dropped his hand down to Eamon’s cock, stroking in long, slow pulls.

“You know, that'll need removing in a few months, when it stops being effective. I can do it myself of course, but, given your… interests… I wonder if you'd consent to doing it for me? It can be quite satisfying you know, sinking a scalpel into willing flesh. We could do it like this, you riding me, my blood on your hands, your fingers under my skin…”

Eamon's orgasm took him by surprise, his passage spasming around Auren while his fingers stroked him through it. The mental image had been so…

“Fuck, Auren, I…” He cut off with a groan as Auren rolled them towards the back of the couch, trapping Eamon amongst the cushions as Auren hauled one leg up around his waist and drove into him with a toecurling rhythm. The hand that had been on his cock dipped unexpectedly into Eamon’s mouth as he screaming from over sensitivity, smearing his own load against his unwitting tongue.

Eamon gagged and bit down on the meat of Auren’s hand, dragging a surprised chuckle from him as Auren tensed and came.

“You bastard…” Eamon groaned as Auren tugged his sticky fingers free from his mouth.

“I don't see how that's relevant, but you did say you wanted to avoid getting ejaculate on your couch.”

“Just for that you can give me my pants and get me a beer.” He said as he half floated against the cushions, his mind fuzzy and warm with endorphins.

Distantly he felt his underwear being tugged back into place and a blanket that smelled like Auren’s hair products settled over his legs before being tucked around his shoulders. For a while, Eamon closed his eyes and drifted.

“Okay, you’ve successfully distracted me from the terrible film, but you've not convinced me on this genre." Auren said when he reappeared, pants refastened, hair smoothed back into place, beers and more snacks in hand.

“S’ry.”

“What about this ‘Aliens’? Military horror might make more sense to me.”

Eamon nodded, then sleepily murmured “yeah” when he remembered that Auren couldn't really see him in the dark.

The movie started and Auren slid a hand under Eamon’s shoulders to lift him. There was enough space on the couch that he didn't need to pull Eamon’s head onto his knees, but despite the return of his rigid posture Auren’s lap was surprisingly comfortable.

He could feel Auren shifting through the introduction, his frame tensing as the _Sulaco_ came into view. Maybe this wasn't a good idea.

 _Every meal's a banquet! Every paycheck a fortune! Every formation a parade! I_ **_love_ ** _the Corps!_

Auren laughed. A genuine, heartfelt laugh.

“Remind you of someone?” Eamon asked quietly.

“Ten or twenty Sergeants to be honest.”

“Did you travel like that?”

“Not practical. It's either hyperdrives or generational ships. Now shush, I’m watching the movie.”

“Gee, I wonder wh…” Eamon began, his words cut off by a condensation-covered bottle nudging his lips.

“Shush.”

Although he didn't say anything, Auren’s hand slipped into one of Eamon's own when Ripley followed Newt into her hiding place.

“I never knew if this bit was accurate or not, I mean would a kid survive on their own in a space station that beat…”

“ **_YES_ **.”

The word was said so emphatically that Eamon’s jaw shut without any direction from his brain. He wasn't sure he wanted to know.

“They're going to.. No! You can't send them down there with projectile weaponry!!! Who are these idiots?!” Auren cried at the television, almost spilling his beer. “well done, you moron, now everyone's going to... Oh that's just not sanitary.”

“Yeah, I hate those things.” Eamon agreed at the first glimpse of the aliens.

“Why? It's not even an accurate depiction. The adults are usually at least a metre taller than that.”

That made Eamon sit up in surprise.

“ _What_?! Are you seriously telling me those things are…” he trailed off once he could see the glitter of Auren’s grin in the dark. “You lying bastard.”

“Still not relevant. Now _please_ be quiet.”

Eamon dozed, watching the movie with half lidded eyes and smiling at Auren’s running commentary of tactical suggestions. He was almost half asleep when a jolt startled him back to full awareness.

“What the frell! You don't conduct experiments on the competent crew, that's what prisoners are for! I want that man court martialed!!” Auren shouted at the television, scattering popcorn and Eamon when he lept to his feet.

Well, Eamon thought as he halted his progress towards the floor with one outflung hand, at least he'd found a genre Auren could enjoy.


End file.
